What a ceremony, am I right?

Well he's fucked her, now he's gonna give her a degree. 
Unorthodox form of payment, but probably better than cash in the long run.




So what about that graduation ceremony? 
Speeches, realizations, that tie...a lot on Little Miss Ana's plate.


There's just too many prized moments, so I guess this is really Graduation, Part 1.
________________________________________________________________________
"I'm wearing my black gown and my cap, and I feel protected by them, anonymous"


Yeah, most graduates think that. But if people want to find you, they will. They will. And by now it's been established that you and Christian seem to have some sort of 
cosmic-electric-pulsating connection, so he'll see you. Don't you fret.
_________________________________________________________________________
"I make my way to my seat amongst fellow students whose surnames also begin with S."


That tends to be how graduation works.
_________________________________________________________________________
"As he sits, he undoes his single-breasted jacket, and I glimpse his tie. Holy shit...that tie! I rub my wrists reflexively. I cannot take my eyes off him. He's wearing that tie, on purpose no doubt."


Ana, he definitely did that on purpose. With how fast your lady sprinkler turns on, you're no doubt wet at the first glimpse of that woven tie. Man knows what he's doing.
__________________________________________________________________________
"Must be Christian Grey."
"Is he single?"
I bristle. "I don't think so," I murmur.
"Oh." Both girls look at me in surprise.
"I think he's gay."


Claiming he's gay? Smart move, Ana. I'm sure he wore that grey tie for those other girls. 
__________________________________________________________________________
"Oh, Katherine Kavanagh, you can deliver a good line."


Kavanagh clearly came from the fancy name hat. Also, Ana, what are you? British?
"Oh, my dear Frederick, that was Watson who won the polo match last Sat-uh-day"
__________________________________________________________________________
And then comes the man who will confer the degrees. 
The man who attained all of his wealth and power by DROPPING OUT OF COLLEGE. 


"My jaw falls to the floor. What? Christian was hungry once. Holy crap."


Ana, dammit. He was 'severely malnourished to the point of starvation'. Way different than, "man...I haven't eaten since breakfast". 


Everyone was fucking hungry once, you twit. 
__________________________________________________________________________
"Poor, fucked-up, kinky, philanthropic Christian"


The man does make good on his orgasm payments, I'll give him that.
__________________________________________________________________________
Then Ana gets her degree. And when he hands it to her, they have a nice little chat. 


"Congratulations, Miss Steele," he says as he shakes my hand, squeezing it gently. I feel the charge of his flesh on mine. "Do you have a problem with your laptop?'
I frown as he hands me my degree.
"No."
"Then you are ignoring my e-mails?"
"I only saw the mergers and acquisitions one."
He looks quizzically at me.
"Later," he says, and I have to move on because I'm holding up the line."


OKAY. REAL TALK #2. Have you been to a graduation ceremony? Do you know how long it takes to go through all those fucking names? It takes up at least an hour and a half. So whenever people read off those names they go as fast as they can without gipping the parent's right to photos. 
       If you're walking up to the person handing you the degree, you walk up briskly, but you don't speed-walk, for you might trip and make an ass of yourself. You give a brief handshake and you walk to the American flag and you take your photo. These things are well-oiled machines, people. Every damn relative up in the stands has an air horn burning a hole in their pocket. They want to get to the name they know. So Christian. For you to fucking HOLD UP THE LINE to speak to Ana because she won't return your EMAIL that you sent before the ceremony (WHICH SHE CAN'T ANSWER BECAUSE SHE'S IN THE FUCKING CEREMONY!!!!) is just not cool, bro. Do you even KNOW how many people in there are just itching to get to their Spaghetti Factory dinners and lame-ass receptions? Didn't think so.


Fuck off, you rich bastard.