Well, Ana, now that you've graduated college, what are you going to do with your degree?
Hmm...well I think I'm gonna go hitch myself up to an iron grid, get fucked by my bondage-obsessed boyfriend and then never go to my job.
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"The ceremony takes another hour to conclude...Christian does not glance at me, even though I'm willing him to do it. My inner goddess is not pleased."
Shut the fuck up.
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"Christian is talking to the chancellor and two of the teaching staff. He looks up when he sees me.
"Excuse me, gentlemen," I hear him murmur...He takes my elbow and steers me into what looks like a men's locker room. He checks to see if it's empty, and then he locks the door.
Holy shit what does he have in mind?"
First of all, Christian, it's weird enough that you just left the adults to go talk to this random girl. Secondly, you choose to drive her into a LOCKER ROOM??? I get your need for privacy but pushing your lover into a smelly locker room to try and get her to listen to your butt plug pleas...I'm sorry, does that seem clever to you?
Yeah Ana, the creepily protective and secretive man is gonna fuck you right here in the locker room so the entire graduating class of 2011 can hear you "explode" around him.
In this particular case, I don't think that's what he has in mind.
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"No!" It's my turn to sound exasperated. "Introduce you to my dad as what? 'This is the man who deflowered me and wants us to start a BDSM relationship'?"
Like I said...every hundred pages. Golden.
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"He opens the door, and I head out. My mind is whirling. The chancellor, the three vice chancellors, four professors, and Kate stare at me as I walk hastily past them."
PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU JUST EMERGED FROM A LOCKER ROOM WITH SEATTLE'S MOST ELIGIBLE BILLIONAIRE.
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"Annie, I've just sat for two and half hours listening to all kinds of jabbering. I need a drink." (FYI, that's not a typo. it is actually "two and half")
Ray gets it. Praise.
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"Can I take the cap and gown off now? I feel kind of dorky."
You look kinda dorky...My subconscious is at her snarky best."
OOH BURN. (E.L. JAMES STOP WITH THE 'JUDGY/EROTIC VOICE WAR'- THAT IS MY LOCKER ROOM PLEA)
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Another section in which I'd like to hear Christian's thoughts:
"Ana!" I turn, and Ethan Kavanagh scoops me up into his arms. He twirls me around...Ethan has his arm around my waist when I look up into the frosty eyes of Christian Grey."
*KILL BILL MUSIC PLAYS*
*Spots target across room*
*(inner thoughts) Touching my property. Can't... constrain...my...AAANNNNNGGGGGEEEEEERRRRRR*
*Tears across room pushing happy grads aside "FUCK OFF YOU LAZY COLLEGE KIDS WITH YOUR CHEAP SHITTY WINE–NOW GO GET A FUCKING JOB" he lets his copper hair get sweaty and floppy. Realizes this is not a good time to look "well fucked". He turns profile to subject and unnamed suitor, so as to keep an eye on subject's whereabouts. Finger combs hair. Straightens tie, smirks to himself for his clever choice. Buttons jacket. Proceeds with inner pep talk. "You have this, Grey. You have the strength of a gladiator, the toned but trim physique of an Olympian ice dancer and the cool, crystal gaze of a owl. Take what is yours. Own your body. Own hers."
*Zooms in towards target. Pauses 2 feet away. Strolls lightly, but purposefully to Steele, Anastasia.*
*Glares. Notices Kavanagh, Kate to left. Processes information. Executes conversational assault.*
*Unnamed suitor is Kavanagh, Ethan. Will dispose of at later time.*
*Calls Ana "baby". To self: "Baby is common term in English language, used as a nickname for significant other. Should convince Kavanagh, Ethan and subject's father of connection."
*Mission Completed. Well done, Grey.*
I imagine Christian's inner thoughts are kind of like a robot-hulk hybrid.
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