So no fisting, eh?

So let's get down to those soft limits. Everyone's favorite part of the BDSM game, soft limits allow for the Dominant to do 'less insane' things to the Submissive, which include everything from anal fisting to suspension and paddling.


Before they get down to business, they engage in a bit of small talk. 


"I'd help you move, but I promised to meet my sister at the airport...I hear Elliot is giving you two a hand."
"Yes, Kate is very excited about that."
Christian frowns. "Yes, Kate and Elliot, who would have thought?" he murmurs, and for some reason he doesn't look pleased."


What's your problem Christian? You're not ecstatic that all the romances in this book match up all your family members with Ana and her close companions? I mean, are you kidding me, E.L. James??? Friends at least had the decency to have Phoebe marry outside the inner circle. 
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"No fisting, you say. Anything else you object to?" he asks softly.
I swallow.
"Anal intercourse doesn't exactly float my boat."
"I'll agree to the fisting, but I'd really like to claim your ass, Anastasia. But we'll wait for that. Besides it's not something we can dive into." He smirks at me. "Your ass will need training."


Well, personally, I'd like to dive right into that sweet convo.


1) Anal intercourse doesn't "float your boat"? Soooo not a good time to be cutesy with your words, Ana.
2) "I'd like to claim your ass." Joke writes itself.
3) "Besides it's not something we can dive into." Well said, Christian, well said.
4) "Your ass will need training." What? Is there some anal boot camp we all haven't been invited to? I for one, am OFFENDED.
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On anal intercourse, since we don't leave that subject for a full page:


"Have you done that?" I whisper. (um...why do you whisper?)
"Yes."
Holy crap. I gasp.
"With a man?"
"No. I've never had sex with a man. Not my scene."


(spoilers) For those of you who have read ahead to the second book, imagine if Leila was actually a Luke. Who am I kidding. Fancy Name Hat. He would have been named Lawrence and probably would have looked like Cillian Murphy. But I will credit E.L. James with not using an overly dramatic and overused plot twist like pregnancy and marriage. Oh wait.
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"It's not as bad as you think. Your imagination is your worst enemy in this"


Actually, I think your anger hulk self is the worst enemy, but ain't my fuckin' problem. 
_____________________________________________________________________
"The punishment thing, it worries me the most."


If I had a dollar for every time that was said in this series, I'd be as rich as Christian Grey.
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"We'll keep caning off the list for now. And as you get more comfortable with everything else, we'll increase intensity. We'll take it slow."


You now, usually when couples decide to "take it slow", they don't want to be fully intimate yet or maybe wait a while before moving in together. They don't mean 'let's wait a bit before I beat the shit out of you'.
_____________________________________________________________________
"I have one condition...You graciously accept my graduation present to you."
"Oh." And deep down I know what it is. Dread spawns in my gut."
...Parked outside is a red hatchback car, a two-door compact Audi."


OH BOO HOO. YOU GOT A FUCKING AUDI. FUCK YOU.
Seriously Ana, go cry some more. Just do it.