What do you call sexy emails? Sexmails?

You'll notice there's no piece of the pie for "Ana's Inner Goddess Popping Up Unwanted". 


That'd take a whole other chart.
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Anyways, you'll also notice that the section titled "Emails" takes up a full quarter of the chart. 


Ana and Christian email a lot, in case you missed it. 
Probably more than the entire staff of the White House does in one day. 
Some of them are cute. In the beginning. 
When you don't realize that it will just. keep. happening. 


So begins my series of entries based on their emails.
_______________________________________________________________________
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Internet Research
Date: May 23 2011 17:59
To: Christian Grey


Mr. Grey,
What would you suggest I put into a search engine?


Ana
_______________________________________________________________________

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Internet Research

Date: May 23 2011 18:02

To: Anastasia Steele

Miss Steele,

Always start with Wikipedia.

No more e-mails unless you have questions.

Understood?

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

_______________________________________________________________________

Nothing like Wikipedia to sort out your questions about riding crops and shackle sex.

Seriously, Christian? "Always start with Wikipedia?" 

She was in college for the last 4 years. She knows. 

Now that email was relatively harmless. 

But considering our "mercurial" lovers Christian and Ana, we can't have harmless for long.

_______________________________________________________________________

"From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Burning the Midnight Oil

Date: May 24 2011 00:10

To: Christian Grey

Sir, 

If you recall, I was going through this list when I was distracted and bedded by a passing control freak.

Good night.

Ana

_______________________________________________________________________

Who the fuck still says "Burning the Midnight Oil?" This is one of those instances where Ana likes to flaunt her "I'm intelligent- I'm a literary major" side. It never lasts long. Kind of like that midnight oil.
_______________________________________________________________________
From: Christian Grey

Subject: Stop Burning the Midnight Oil

Date: May 24 2011 00:12

To: Anastasia Steele

GO TO BED, ANASTASIA.

Christian Grey,

CEO & Control Freak, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

_______________________________________________________________________

Well. At least he didn't use "Miss Steele" another time. 

After this, they start getting all cotton candy with their sign-offs.

I won't skip ahead too far and ruin it for anyone, but let's just say it gets so sugary you'll be avoiding chocolate for the next year.